rednecks_r_us
Member
- :
- 2003 Laser Blue Protege5
The author is responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the
men's restroom:
Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that
caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the
time. It's rare us guys ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go
into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around;
just so I'll make sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's
penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall
because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet
and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet
paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those
little buggers can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer
allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and
pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise
if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a
pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to
put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep. Now another thing
us guys don't usually like to talk about , but because you and I have
become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy, I might as
well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to
be understanding.
It's the dreaded "morning wood". Most morning us guys
wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try , you
can't get that thing to bend, and if it won't bend you can't aim, well hell,
if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and
that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the
toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the
friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to
use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to
control our less than perfect aim. Now sometimes, when you'r newly
married, you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy
thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the
seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then the compressed fuzzy
started to decompress and without warning that damn seat comes flying
down and tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not lift a
toilet seat with a fuzzy. It's just not safe.
I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told
her...... look, it won't bend. She said, "so sit down like I told you
to do all the rest of the time. OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet
with "morning wood". Well it's very hard to get it bent under the toilet
seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels
hanging on the he wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting
down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to
pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet
seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees
and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy
horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with the morning
urinary dilemma is to assume the flying Superman position laying over the
toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split
time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the
bowl
during the first morning pee.
So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame.
We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom
cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our
control.
It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature. Now if it was Father
Nature, there wouldn't have been a problem.
Bill
men's restroom:
Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that
caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the
time. It's rare us guys ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go
into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around;
just so I'll make sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's
penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall
because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet
and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet
paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those
little buggers can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer
allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and
pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise
if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a
pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to
put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep. Now another thing
us guys don't usually like to talk about , but because you and I have
become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy, I might as
well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to
be understanding.
It's the dreaded "morning wood". Most morning us guys
wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try , you
can't get that thing to bend, and if it won't bend you can't aim, well hell,
if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and
that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the
toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the
friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to
use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to
control our less than perfect aim. Now sometimes, when you'r newly
married, you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy
thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the
seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then the compressed fuzzy
started to decompress and without warning that damn seat comes flying
down and tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not lift a
toilet seat with a fuzzy. It's just not safe.
I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told
her...... look, it won't bend. She said, "so sit down like I told you
to do all the rest of the time. OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet
with "morning wood". Well it's very hard to get it bent under the toilet
seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels
hanging on the he wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting
down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to
pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet
seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees
and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy
horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with the morning
urinary dilemma is to assume the flying Superman position laying over the
toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split
time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the
bowl
during the first morning pee.
So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame.
We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom
cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our
control.
It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature. Now if it was Father
Nature, there wouldn't have been a problem.
Bill
