Rant: So i see my ex and her new b/f

K

KYMP5

Contributor
:
04 Mazda RX-8
Background info, we split 5 weeks ago after dating for 2 years. Id heard rumors that she was seeing someone, but nothing could be confirmed.
Sunday night i go out to meet some friends at a bar and as im walking in, i think i see her car, but its a gray VW bug, so i could have been anyones. I get inside and look for my friends, they werent there. So i get in line for a drink and the place is packed. Im sitting there waiting and at the other end of the bar i look up and see my ex and some dude with his arms wrapped around her kissing her neck. Upon looking closer, i see that its a buddy of mine that i hadnt seen in a few weeks. I didnt know what to think. Then he sees me and takes his arms off her and nods at me. Then she sees me, grabs him and pulls him down and kisses him. then i was pissed and i dont know why.
So, i go to the other side of the bar and talk to them and order us all a round of drinks, trying to show her that i dont care and to show him, that im cool with him seeing her (not that my opinion on the matter should mean anything to him). We and Matt (her guy) talk for a few and i occasionally throw something out at her trying to make small talk and she wont say a thing to me.
Thats the short versions with a few details left out, but there it is.
I dont know why its bothering me, i dont ever want to date her again, and if he can treat the way i should have, im happy for him too, but for some damn reason, its bugged the hell out of me.
Theres so much stuff i want to say to him about her, but i wont out of respect for him and so that i dont stir up an unnecessary s***. I do want to talk to him and in some way let him know that him dating her doesnt bother me without it making it sound like im giving him permission or something, but i dont know how to say it.
I dont know, i knew this day would eventually come ( i never would have thought so soon) and i thought id be able to handle it better, but it just hit me and i really dont know what im thinking or what to do.
Thanks for listening to me rant, if anyone has ever been here before, what did you do? All suggestions and advice is welcome.
Thanks
Justin
 
Most guys I know don't have any issues with a break-up until they know/see the girl with someone else. It's a normal emotional reaction when you see some thing like that to be jealous or angry...at least bothered. I remember calling up my Ex after weeks of not talking just to see how she was, I expected her to already be with someone else, but after she told me with who and when she started seeing others after me, that's when I got upset. I think you handled it well, I wouldn't have even walked over there.
 
i think you did the right thing... your reaction was normal. it happened to me back in the day as well. you might think about it alot, but as days go on, you'll think about it less. and one day you won't think about it at all.
 
a good friend of mine and i have always dated each others ex's. it was kinda wierd at first, but then we got over it. my fiance is his ex... i knew i'd get it right eventually. anyways, the point is that as long as you truly dont want her back, then there is no lingering problem between any of the involved parties. if you really need to say something to him tell him that he doesnt need to act wierd around you when he's with her. my 8 cents.
 
Dating/sleeping/fooling around with a friend's girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/fiance/wife/etc is not cool unless you get permission. It doesn't matter who broke it off. The guy needs an ass kicking...but when it's done let him know it had nothing to do with dating your ex and everything to do with not asking you or mentioning it to you beforehand.
 
chuyler1 said:
Dating/sleeping/fooling around with a friend's girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/fiance/wife/etc is not cool unless you get permission. It doesn't matter who broke it off. The guy needs an ass kicking...but when it's done let him know it had nothing to do with dating your ex and everything to do with not asking you or mentioning it to you beforehand.
Click to expand...

I agree, if he didn't discuss the matter before hand with you then he isn't a true friend. Then again real friends are hard to come by.
 
I say beat his ass just 'cause... it will just plain feel good


but yeah, its for a good reason.
 
I would have asked the new boyfriend "So...has she let you put it in here ass yet? She loves it!!!" (rofl)
 
chuyler1 said:
Dating/sleeping/fooling around with a friend's girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/fiance/wife/etc is not cool unless you get permission. It doesn't matter who broke it off. The guy needs an ass kicking...but when it's done let him know it had nothing to do with dating your ex and everything to do with not asking you or mentioning it to you beforehand.
Click to expand...

Thats it in a nutshell. He has to ask. The only reason he didnt ask you is because he didnt want you to know and that is the move of a coward!

He is gonna say "its no big deal", or "nothing happened" but if it was a non-issue with him he should have stood up and said. "I want to date your ex."

How hard is that???
 
1killercls said:
I would have asked the new boyfriend "So...has she let you put it in here ass yet? She loves it!!!" (rofl)
Click to expand...

HAHA!!! I would ask just to piss him and her off.....
 
I know what you mean man..I dated a girl in HS for like 2 years and after being broken up with her for a day one of my friends started trying to date her..I was pissed...then he broke it off with her..meanwhile this other guy was pissed at my friend for dating her because he thought it was disrepectful...after they broke it off he then started dating her and they got married...at first I was extremely pissed because not only was he dating my ex but he totally came to my side when my other friend did the same thing..but as of now they are still happily married and I love the idea of them together, they were two of my best friends and its nice that when I get to hang out with one the other is there ;)
 
Yeah, this is the kind of stuff that happens in HS...someone gets beat up and a life long lesson is learned...don't date your friend's ex'es if you want to stay friends.
 
he's not a friend if he did that s***, period. None of my friends would do that s*** and if they did we wouldn't be friends. It's just a respect issue, true friends dont do that stuff. The older you get the more you realize who is there for you instead of there to get something out of you.
 
KYMP5 said:
Background info, we split 5 weeks ago after dating for 2 years. Id heard rumors that she was seeing someone, but nothing could be confirmed.
Sunday night i go out to meet some friends at a bar and as im walking in, i think i see her car, but its a gray VW bug, so i could have been anyones. I get inside and look for my friends, they werent there. So i get in line for a drink and the place is packed. Im sitting there waiting and at the other end of the bar i look up and see my ex and some dude with his arms wrapped around her kissing her neck. Upon looking closer, i see that its a buddy of mine that i hadnt seen in a few weeks. I didnt know what to think. Then he sees me and takes his arms off her and nods at me. Then she sees me, grabs him and pulls him down and kisses him. then i was pissed and i dont know why.
So, i go to the other side of the bar and talk to them and order us all a round of drinks, trying to show her that i dont care and to show him, that im cool with him seeing her (not that my opinion on the matter should mean anything to him). We and Matt (her guy) talk for a few and i occasionally throw something out at her trying to make small talk and she wont say a thing to me.
Thats the short versions with a few details left out, but there it is.
I dont know why its bothering me, i dont ever want to date her again, and if he can treat the way i should have, im happy for him too, but for some damn reason, its bugged the hell out of me.
Theres so much stuff i want to say to him about her, but i wont out of respect for him and so that i dont stir up an unnecessary s***. I do want to talk to him and in some way let him know that him dating her doesnt bother me without it making it sound like im giving him permission or something, but i dont know how to say it.
I dont know, i knew this day would eventually come ( i never would have thought so soon) and i thought id be able to handle it better, but it just hit me and i really dont know what im thinking or what to do.
Thanks for listening to me rant, if anyone has ever been here before, what did you do? All suggestions and advice is welcome.
Thanks
Justin
Click to expand...


First thing i would like to congratulate you on being a man most guys in that position would have started a fight. As far as why it is bothering you......it's going to. I mean you just spent 2 years of you life with someone wether it was good or bad it still doesn't seem right to see them with someone else, especially a friend. Depending on how good of a friend he is, he should have come to you and at least gave you a heads up that something might be going on between them, and the same goes for her to, but obviously neither of them have respect for people. I have been there before i had 2 of my friends of 8 years sleep with my ex of 5 years who is also the mother of my son. My advice write them both off and move on the best you can. I went through all the b.s. of being mad and vengeful but it gets you nowhere. I learned things happen for a reason in life, and 4 years after i left my ex i am now engaged to the best girl i have ever met in my life. Just try to let it all go and move on and you will find someone else.
 
Yeah, its a clear un-written rule for guys that you dont date/fool around with/ whatever with your friends ex g/f. Not cool and **** her for trying to make you feel like s*** by pulling him in for that kiss then not talkin to you. Even when you did have the ballz to approach them and do a round of drinks, Props to ya on that.
 
Yo man, after beaking up with my g/f of like almost 3 years I was cool with it, then SHE told me she ****** 2 otherguys within one week. THEN I started to feel bad. I dunno, it's how us guys are! Just go **** her sister...
 
Maybe I missed something, but where did he say that he even knew the guy? Much less was his friend?

Anyway, I say kill both of em. Use them to attract bears, kill them, and make a nice rug.











But maybe I'm just old fasioned like that......
 
ya you missed something.
KYMP5 said:
Background info, we split 5 weeks ago after dating for 2 years. Id heard rumors that she was seeing someone, but nothing could be confirmed.
Sunday night i go out to meet some friends at a bar and as im walking in, i think i see her car, but its a gray VW bug, so i could have been anyones. I get inside and look for my friends, they werent there. So i get in line for a drink and the place is packed. Im sitting there waiting and at the other end of the bar i look up and see my ex and some dude with his arms wrapped around her kissing her neck. Upon looking closer, i see that its a buddy of mine that i hadnt seen in a few weeks. I didnt know what to think. Then he sees me and takes his arms off her and nods at me. Then she sees me, grabs him and pulls him down and kisses him. then i was pissed and i dont know why.
So, i go to the other side of the bar and talk to them and order us all a round of drinks, trying to show her that i dont care and to show him, that im cool with him seeing her (not that my opinion on the matter should mean anything to him). We and Matt (her guy) talk for a few and i occasionally throw something out at her trying to make small talk and she wont say a thing to me.
Thats the short versions with a few details left out, but there it is.
I dont know why its bothering me, i dont ever want to date her again, and if he can treat the way i should have, im happy for him too, but for some damn reason, its bugged the hell out of me.
Theres so much stuff i want to say to him about her, but i wont out of respect for him and so that i dont stir up an unnecessary s***. I do want to talk to him and in some way let him know that him dating her doesnt bother me without it making it sound like im giving him permission or something, but i dont know how to say it.
I dont know, i knew this day would eventually come ( i never would have thought so soon) and i thought id be able to handle it better, but it just hit me and i really dont know what im thinking or what to do.
Thanks for listening to me rant, if anyone has ever been here before, what did you do? All suggestions and advice is welcome.
Thanks
Justin
Click to expand...
 
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