Quickie #1
One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife
dressed in a very sexy nighty. "Tie me up," she purred "and
you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and
went fishing.
Quickie #2
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway,
and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted
at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the
damn lottery!" The husband said "Oh my God! What should
I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
Quickie #3
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always
right, and the other is a husband.
Quickie #4
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the
optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied,
"I know the guy."
Quickie #5
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to
them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of
gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly
nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
Quickie #6
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO
MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more
butter. Oh my GOD! Where are we going to get more
butter? They're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're
cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!! THE SALT!!! The wife
stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs? The
husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it
feels like when I'm driving."
Quickie #7
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James a North Carolina
mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day
in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That
afternoon the Army barber sheard off all his hair. On his
second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That
afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On
the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army
has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife
dressed in a very sexy nighty. "Tie me up," she purred "and
you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and
went fishing.
Quickie #2
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway,
and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted
at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the
damn lottery!" The husband said "Oh my God! What should
I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
Quickie #3
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always
right, and the other is a husband.
Quickie #4
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the
optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied,
"I know the guy."
Quickie #5
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to
them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of
gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly
nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
Quickie #6
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO
MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more
butter. Oh my GOD! Where are we going to get more
butter? They're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're
cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!! THE SALT!!! The wife
stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs? The
husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it
feels like when I'm driving."
Quickie #7
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James a North Carolina
mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day
in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That
afternoon the Army barber sheard off all his hair. On his
second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That
afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On
the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army
has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
