Gettin' married!!

[pintsized]

I'd like to throw in my 2 cents...

Regardless of whether you both wait for her to finish school to get married, please make sure she does get some sort of degree at the very least for safety reasons. If this is the kind of relationship where you are the sole breadwinner and she's happily taking care of the kids at home, should there ever be an accident or anything that happens to you that impairs your ability to work (work accident, car accident, death even), she's going to need to step it up and pick up a job because it definitely takes more than love to raise kids. Most of the time, the ones that pay decently require a kind of degree.

Or there's an alternate route. She can take technical classes for specific occupations like nursing or desk jobs... if she really doesn't have a passion to finish college, at least have some kind of certificate around just in case.

Main point: have a back up plan for her. Or even for you too.

Regardless, good luck! It always thrills me to pieces when people say they've found "the one" they want to spend the rest of their lives with! Congratulations!

 

[Wiggles422]

This is not a normal feeling. One has to question why your future wife would start such a serious and costly endevor such as college if she really didn't know if it was something she wanted. Maybe marriage is the same way. If you say not, then how do you know? How does she know, for that matter.

We both know the reasons for her starting college, she knew going into it that it wasn't something she wanted. She went into it b/c it's the typical "thing you do after high school." She's matured a lot since then and we're still talking about school in the future, and we've decided that yes it is a good idea for her to at least finish. If we can afford it, we'll both finish school. If we can only afford one of us to go to school, then I will finish first since I'm much closer to being done.

I love taking pictures and playing Halo 2 online, but I work 50 hours a week for a big DoD contractor to pay the bill and support my wife. She's studying to be a pharmacist which means one income for now. I know that I need to make a certain income regardless of where I feel that God is leading me. Halo 2 WILL NEVER pay the bills no matter what interest I take in it.

And that's where my trust in God comes in. We will have to believe that God will provide for us financially. I too believe that my wife and I should make x amount of money. I just think that our "comfort zone" is lower than mosts.

So, is homlessness the new crusade? If not all poor people believe in God, then why would having a ton of money automatically mean you have less faith in God? The "material wealth" argument is only a mechanism to keep poor people okay with their situation. Faith is about WAY more then your surroundings. The logical extension of your statement would be to have ALL houses of worship be shacks or piles of rock. CHurches, these human constructs meant to illustrate the placement of God in our lives, are some of the most ornate and heavily decorated buildings in our society.

I'm saying that people don't have to make as much money as they think they have to in order to be "ok".
I didn't say that the more money you have automatically means you have less faith in God. Yet, if you're a millionaire you probably aren't praying every night that you'll be able to keep the power turned on. (I don't mean for that to say that if you are a millionaire you aren't praying for something every night.)
If every house of worship was to be shacks and piles of rocks then God wouldn't require us to tithe. If a member of a church was a billionaire and tithed his/her 10%, then that church would have $100 million to figure out what to do. They can spend on buildings, or outreach or church planning or missions. I think as far as buildings go it's up the church body's vote on how much money goes where. I think there should be a medium reached, not necessarily a pile of rocks, but not necessarily a mansion.
This is way off point.

Isn't the first line here inconsistant with your other beliefs about faith? I have placed two independant quotations next to each other in the above para to illustrate just how juxtaposed they really are. First, no marriage until stability, but then, there is no stability. Further, material wealth (i.e. financial stability) is a distancing from God (as previously stated), and a distraction from your true calling as a child of God.

Again, I didn't say "no marriage until stability." I said I'd wait until I felt we were remotely comfortable, meaning if I don't think we have a fighting chance then yes, it would be better to wait. But that fighting chance, ultimately, is in God's hands.
I didn't say "material wealth (or financial stability) is a distancing from God."
I said, "As a christian you learn that the less you have (materialistically), the more faith you put into God as necessity, He designed it that way." You're stretching my words. I didn't say the more stuff you have the less faith you have.

I'd like to write more, but I am pressed for time.

 

[SciFiMan]

Don't do it! And don't have kids! You'll regret it the rest of your long, tortured life.

 

[katsmp3]

wow. you should wait.

I think god would rather you sin than commit to such a holy bond before you are ready. Depending on what you believe... you might consider that many believe that Mary was a prostitute... and she wasn't condemned

Also.. Can you answer these questions
How many children do yall want?
Are either/both of you willing to move if the other gets a job offer out of state?
Are you having joint bank accounts?
will yall spend christmas at her parents or yours? Thanksgiving? Easter?


Also, is it really ok to postpone her life for two years just so you can wake up next to each other and avoid commiting a sin?

my opinion: using the union of marriage to have sex is a much bigger sin that just having sex

 

[ipleadthe5th]

Congrats on the engagement. My wife and I got married at 20. And I had just turned 20 the week before so I was basically a teenager. We had dated since 9th grade, never broke anything off, even after high school. I went away for 1 yr of college and we decided to get married. So I said I would quit school and work while she would finish school. She finished and went on to get her masters 2 yrs later. Then I found I was stuck in a bunch of dead end jobs. So here I am, 28 and back in school. I've been going for almost 3 yrs now (part time) to get a 2 yr degree. I have a 4 yr old and 5 mos old and HATE having to go to school twice a week at night after being at work all day and missing time with the family. If you have the opportunity to finish school before getting married I would definately go back and do that 1st.

My only other advice is that marriage is not 50/50, its 100/100. Good luck!!

5th

 

[Chiguy_2002]

I would definately say you should finish school before you get married. At least with that you have a better chance of getting a job and be somewhat stable. If she doesn't want to finish school, that is her choice. You just have to make sure that you will be able to handle everything financially, and have a backup plan. I do believe God does provide, but not without you doing what you need to as well. No one will ever be fully financially stable, but you need to be comfortable with your way of living and your expenses. That will give you a better chance of sucess. Also make sure you are getting married for the right reasons. Just my 2 cents...

 

[RacerXGirl]

Congrats on the engagement. My wife and I got married at 20. And I had just turned 20 the week before so I was basically a teenager. We had dated since 9th grade, never broke anything off, even after high school. I went away for 1 yr of college and we decided to get married. So I said I would quit school and work while she would finish school. She finished and went on to get her masters 2 yrs later. Then I found I was stuck in a bunch of dead end jobs. So here I am, 28 and back in school. I've been going for almost 3 yrs now (part time) to get a 2 yr degree. I have a 4 yr old and 5 mos old and HATE having to go to school twice a week at night after being at work all day and missing time with the family. If you have the opportunity to finish school before getting married I would definately go back and do that 1st.

My only other advice is that marriage is not 50/50, its 100/100. Good luck!!

5th

Well said sir!

 

[mazdarican3]

Good Luck. 1 advice though. Don't get married in December. It's a rough month to get married on. To much going on with the Holidays.

 

[Hate]

Sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. I hope you to have at least lived together for a while, assuming that isn't against God's will either. So young, and not to mention you said money will be an issue. You are 21, both need to finish school, why the rush? It's easy to say this and that and give opinions about being married before you are. Saying divorce is not and cannot be an option is just flat out naive though. Speaking in absolutes usually is.

 

[Killer]

God doesn't print money. get your schooling done and get a career going. THEn if you have to....get married.