Chuck Norris Joke Database

[toucci]

So I put together this site when I was bored this evening: http://norris.kicks-ass.net/

We made up some good ones, and added the oldie but goodies. If anyone has good ones I'm trying to get a decent collection going. I figure I can serve up a lot of them and it won't really bog down the server, since the layout is so simple even though I'm hosting it from home. (thumb)

PS: please don't tell me how stupid you think these jokes are. I think they're hilarious as always (first)

 

[DE31]

Chuck Norris only needs 1/9999999999999999999 of his Roundhouse kick to knock out Trevors.

 

[toucci]

:-\

 

[DE31]

haha no one likes joo

 

[TStar]

maybe it's because chucknorrisfacts.com already serves this purpose ?

 

[Spooled]

I'm always down for Norris jokes, although Conan's Chuck Norris lever owns all. It would be cool to have a lever on your site that bring up a random video clip from Walker Texas Ranger

 

[slayer4u]

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

now that one made me laugh.


"the only thing the french should be alowed to host is an invasion" - Johnny English

 

[Roywhitep5]

Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
i like this one

 

[Chilledboost]

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

those are the best

 

[pb4ugoout]

Some of my favs:
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

 

[toucci]

cool thanks, I added those ones (thumb)

 

[DE31]

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.

 

[DE31]

Under undisclosable circumstances i would now want to promote the site

 

[JOMO]

Anyone could piss on the floor, Chuck Norris could s*** on the ceiling.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

2 favorites.

 

[boostisgood]

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC

When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
uber (lol)

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

 

[toucci]

sweeet I added some more!

 

[quagmire]

...

 

[Breeegz]

Chuck Norris was once a member of slipknot, but when they tried to change lyrics on one of his songs, he roundhoused all nine members into the audience --Creating the mosh pit (that is also why Slipknot wears masks)

^^Breeegz original, needs refining...