I am trying to understand what the challenge is here, since i haven't played with the CX-9 keyless lock/unlock options much.
The only setting i changed was to have all doors unlock/lock with a single press of the button.
Pressing the little button on the handle is actually working really well to lock/unlock. I like it.
My last two cars (Toyota and Audi) had the unlock/lock option when you grab/touch the handle, like the GC, but it did not seem to me to work any better. I still had to pull the handle. Same "effort".
The Audi actually had lock/unlock keyless doors on the rear too, i admit. (the audi was also $55k new)
I don't miss the rear door feature one bit though, because i always grab the front door handle to unlock the car anyway. It's a habit for me.
For some reason, i have never experienced the auto-lock feature in my CX-9. It must be disabled on my car. I can walk away from it and the next morning it will be still unlocked, unless i used the remote or handle button to lock it.
I assume i can enable this feature somehow, but is it unreliable?? Sounds like OP is not happy with it. I have 3 kids too, so i know what it takes to load and unload them.